Cruising along on the internet's super highway, I came across a story on CNN.com that made me pull over for a minute. It was about a young girl who was attacked by a sea lion off the coast of California while swimming. The girl wasn't severely injured, and there were a whole host of theories as to why this incident happened. Some experts even went so far as to say that perhaps the sea lion was trying to "play" with the girl.
I know the real reason.
I was immediately reminded of two stories that happened not all that long ago regarding sting-rays: Steve Irwin's unfortunate (albeit completely unsurprising) demise and the elderly gentleman who was attacked while still on his boat. Add to this the more and more frequest accounts of mountain lion attacks in suburban California, trained elephants rising against their masters, dogs maiming small children, or any of the dozens of other "out of nowhere" animal attacks the news reports each year. Having read this specific CNN article, my mind went in its own direction, coming up with a little scenario that explains why the animals of the world are increasingly becoming more hostile.
Imagine, if you will, a global conference bringing together the species of the world. Humans are not invited. Mammals, repitles, echinoderms, and insects alike meeting to discuss just how to handle this tricky issue of the Earth's humans . . .
Great White Shark: Glad you could all make it out. We're here to discuss the problems facing our environments today. I, for one, am tired of all the pollution that has muddied our waters, of the rising temperatures due to global warming, and the ever-decreasing numbers of our brothers and sisters!
Fan Coral (from the back of the room): Not to mention the destruction of our coral reefs and tide pool ecosystems!
Elephant: And the humiliation of my cousins in crappy, overpriced zoos and circuses. We all know who's to blame for this, don't we?
All: Homo Sapiens!!!
GWS: That's right. Those stupid humans have yet to realize that next to our numbers, they are the minority species on this planet. I mean, they can't even venture safely into our waters without using boats or travel through the jungle without weapons. [derisive laughter from all] I say it's time we taught them a lesson.
Tube Worm: Now let's not be hasty, gentlemen. Can't we find a peaceful solution to this problem?
Seahorse: Pipe down, Tube Worm! The humans didn't even know you existed until 30 years ago. Sure, you're fine now, but now that they've discovered you it's only a matter of time before they destroy the bottom of the sea---and you---as well.
GWS: Hear, hear! Now, I propose a strategic attack on the humans by our most fierce and ferocious creatures. Sharks, bears, . . .
Dolphin: Um, Mr. Shark? I have a suggestion.
GWS: The chair recognizes the Dolphin.
Dolphin: Thank you. Now, it's clear that animals like the shark instill fear into the hearts of humans. But attacks by animals such as these are unsurprising, even expected. I propose a different plan, one that will take them completely off-guard. Why not launch a long-term battle plan, carried out by our most docile sea creatures? The humans will not be expecting an uprising from, say, the sea turtles or the blue whales. It will surprise them and create a feeling of . . . how can I put it . . . shock and awe among them.
[some murmuring assent from the other animals]
GWS: Now that sounds like a good plan. Sting-Ray?!
Sting-Ray: Here!
GWS: You still have that wicked barb on the end of your tail?
Sting-Ray: Sure do.
GWS: Perfect.