I have no real plan of coherency here.  Articulation is not my goal.  I just realized that I haven't done anything on this site in forever.  I've let my Freakshow kiddies down.  So here are some random thoughts that are floating around in my gray matter, changed into letters and words, brought to life by stacatto keystrokes and binary code.

Enjoy, I think.

Sometimes it's a curse for us to be the cognizant animals that humans are.  You're called upon to communicate in smooth and interesting ways every day, almost all day if that's what your life happems to dictate.  And God help you if you've ever been clever in front of someone you've just met at that golden time of mental being.  We've all had our off days, our brain-blah days; the pressure to be sparkling and entertaining for that person in future situations can be ridiculously intimidating.

I think that most pity comes from broken-heartedness.  How else can one feel bad for another's crappy happenings without feeling some sort of heartache for them first?

I heard someone say, "You are what people say behind your back."  So, according to that logic, self-realization (and subsequently, self-improvement) is near impossible without hidden cameras.

In a world of blind men, the one-eyed man is king.  The rest are just fodder for skull-fucking.

The best pick-up line I've ever heard issued forth from the mouth of a druken forty-something in a trendy bar full of twenty year-olds.  She was a nine; he was a three.  In a last ditch effort to beat the numbers he said to her, "C'mon darlin', I won't hurt you none.  Look at me.; I'm friendlier than a box of puppies."  Which, when you really think about it, is pretty damn friendly.

I'm under the impression that I'm clacking out nuggets of gold here, but more than likely it'll turn out to be pyrite when closely inspected.

Sometimes I enjoy talking about music more than actually making music.  Being under the impression that I have some sort of unique insight to someone else's creative expression---however misguided or dead-on that impression may be---gives me a sense of confidence that is hard to describe.

I place great importance on a person's intelligence and capability to communicate that intelligence without pomposity or pretension.   To me this is more admirable a trait than altruism, and when combined with a benevolence and forgiveness, makes a personality with force enough to change many other people's perspectives.  I choose to surround myself with people who display those qualities in life more often than not.  I am pleased and awed every day that I know so many eccenticly beautiful individuals who have the potential to change things in life both large and small.  I thank Fate or Destiny or whatever god that puts its hand in from time to time that I have had the opportunity and ability to recognize their collective greatness.  Not to mention be allowed to regularly bask in it.

I in my strange and dreaming adolesence, back in the days when I thought that performing for a living was a given for me, I swore many times that my life would be unbearably boring and shitty if I had to make a living from sitting nine to five behind a desk.  It's a shame that I make enough money now to keep my fridge and pantry stocked, because it's hard having to eat those words when I'm so well-fed.

On a similar note, Office Space is so unflinchly honest and accurate that I almost can't laugh at it anymore.  I think Mike Judge's creations are like a walk through the mirror maze at carnivals:  The reflection you see is still your reflection (even when slightly altered and exaggerated in some way) and you spend so much time with those modified renderings that when you finally come to a mirror that shows a true reflection, it still seems like some impossibly unreal caricature.  David Lynch movies, on the other hand, are like going to the haunted house with a guy you're pretty sure is going to try and rape you when you get back to the car.

I have a friend whose narcissism is so random and unapoligetic that although that behavior is unanimously recognized as a character flaw, the sheer brilliance of of his self-importance has to be admired.  And while encouraging that kind of display should probably be avoided, you can't help but be entertained by its taboo and unaffected humor.

In my buddy Craig's opinion, the funniest thing I've ever said was while making fun of a girl with the unfortunate name of Colene (pronounced co-leen, with a long "o" sound).  He was in the middle of telling a story when I interrupted with, "Colene?  Colene? That sounds like some sort of  home enema kit.  'Get your colon clean with Colene!'"  I maintain the funniest thing I've ever said was when the movie Brokeback Mountain came out in the theaters.  My friends Chris and Meagan's two male cats were cleaning each other very intently on top of their kitty tree.  I couldn't resist the urge so I pointed and said, "Check it out guys!  The boys are getting a little Broke-Cat Mountain action going on."  Unfortunately, both of those humorous statements lose something in the retelling, a true case of you-had-to-be-there.

I get sad when I see complete strangers disregard those unspoken peramiters of polite behavior commonly upheld by most others in society.  Like smoking around babies and young children, not turning their cell phones off when they go see a movie or eat in a restaraunt, or not signaling when they switch lanes on the highway.  Things like that.  It saddens me that the negative behavior of someone will undoubtedly alter the mood of another person they will never formally meet.  This is only a vague kind of sadness.  The real shame to me is that I cannot point out their faulty way of behaving in public without being perceived as the asshole in the situation.  So I have resigned myself to be content with a lot of mumbled, one-sided conversations with people who have no idea I'm chewing them out.

I am also resinged to the fact that while gross and tedious, the rest of my life with be peppered with the task of putting the toilet seat down after boys.

That's all I got right now.  You're welcome to interpret as you will  these few glimpses into my every day train of thought.  I just wanted to give all you Freakshow kiddies an update on the random ideas and memories that often float to the surface of my brain like weird deep sea fish that were not meant to see the light of day.

--holls

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